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Why our teens have lost faith in us?

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Comments ( 39 )

  • MindandLifeMatters

    A very important subject you have written about. The number of teenage suicides we get to hear these days is appalling. If only parents understood that their children are people too and not puppets that they can mould.

    • Feelings and Freedom

      Absolutely. Good to know that you think alike. It’s disheartening to read such news everyday.

      • MindandLifeMatters

        It sure is, I never believed in pushing children to become top scorers in everything they said. I’m happy as long as my son learns well and gets enough marks to move onto the next level, the importance I lay is on how much he actually learned and not on the marks printed on his paper!

        • Feelings and Freedom

          You are a great mom, I must say. Very few people realize that learning is more important than the scores. Pushing them beyond their potential is not a good idea at all!

          • All we have to do is remember if any of those top scores we got is helping us in our real life now! What is actually helping us are the life skills we learned! Is it not?

          • Absolutely true. Life skills can help us travel our journey in a peaceful, happier and merrier way. We don’t even remember these scores after a few years!

  • Akhila

    your points are very valid. and unfortunately the situation is very pathetic.

  • IAmDonovan

    A lot of the suicides in the news are unfortunately kids who are bullied. Gay and Transgender kids are ridiculed both in person and online and we live in a society where some people are very unaccepting of this. Life is complicated enough without feeling rejected and unloved by peers and family. Kids are ruthless to each other and it’s almost no wonder why, sadly, people choose death as a way to escape it.

  • Wandering Soul

    This was so needed. And I’m so proud that you came up with this. I recently read an article sent by a school to parents and it was heartening to see the school advising the parents that other activities are equally important as studies and that the kids should be encouraged to participate in things they like rather than make them study for a 100% score. Loved reading this.

    • Feelings and Freedom

      Thanks for your lovely comment. Schools sending out such notices to parents is indeed a great thing and is bound to be taken seriously by parents!

  • Wandering Soul

    Reblogged this on Wandering Soul and commented:
    Written by a friend Vandana Bhasin​, sharing it here because we so need to read this. Let’s not raise our kids to be top scorers but to be better human beings.

  • sandeept252

    Maybe the parents of children who suicide cannot make them understand that life is not just about competition and comparison.

    • Feelings and Freedom

      Yes, Sadly enough. That’s why it’s all the more important to make parents aware and agree to the fact that score is not everything!

  • Lata Sony

    In continuation with our facebook conversation, in addition to exams and studies, the situations where you could suggest solutions to parents are:

    1) Dealing with teenage crushes
    2) Making your teen eat healthy and exercise – though you might not think this directly related to suicide, binge eating is quite common among teens under stress and depression. You might feel like giving in once a while but you have to be cautious that this does not become an addiction
    3) Comparison with other parents – If your kids study or live in a place with richer parents, they will compare you with them and their gifts. Comparisons happen at both sides.
    4) Finding the time to advise and inculcate values – especially if you are working fulltime for an MNC like me.
    5) If you are short-tempered like me, how to NOT make your kid even worse tempered. In short, how to wash the sins you inherit from your ancestors from passing on to the next generation.

  • Sonia

    This is exactly what I feel too, but this competitiveness begins in Montessori. Nobody waits for them to be teenagers.

    • Feelings and Freedom

      I agree Sonia. It begins very early in child’s life but we need to make them strong enough to not to take it to heart. Life is beyond all this competition and world is full of opportunities, if only we see it!

  • m

    Reblogged this on abstract relations vi and commented:
    This is a post that definitely deserves a read… it addresses some things about our society/education system that are extremely detrimental, and even dangerous. I read things like this and wonder how I will ever, one day, manage to be a parent. It will only be by the grace of God…

  • Rhonda Wiley-Jones

    I believe you are so onto what pressures are children and young adults are under these days. I believe resilience and “agency” are two things that can help young people fare better in their lives. To give kids progressive responsibility and the belief in their ability to rise to the occasion is one way to develop the ability to respond (think of it this way: response – ability). Give them early successes that led to more advanced challenges and successes. They learn that they have the ability to be their own “agent” in life. Think of insurance agents, athletic agents, or travel agents as people who take over decisions and actions for another person. But young people need to learn that they can choose and can create their own sense of agency to do what is important to them. Giving them that latitude is empowering and emboldening.

    My coming-of-age travel memoir, At Home In the World: Travel Stories of Growing up and Growing Away illustrates my mother’s keen ability to help me develop my own sense of responsibility and agency. Travel is only one way, but a significant mode of gaining a sense of agency in one’s life.

    I write about “agency” in my blog, FindingOurselvesAtHomeInTheWorld.com. There are ways to help our children and there is hope. Let’s give it a try.

  • Feelings and Freedom

    Thanks for your comment and detailed analysis Rhonda. Making them responsible is certainly one way of empowering them. I will have a look at your blog too.

  • Anand

    Piyusha’s post sent me here. One of the things that I sometimes ask my friends who are forever hounding their kids, is, “Were you perfect?” A friend of mine who gave his parents a tough time (never score more than 60 in Math,) now wants his kid to be score in high nineties. I feel sad for the kids whose parents hound them for perfection, more so because I was that kid once. It didn’t do me much good, especially when I got thrown into the wild waters of real life. I think it’s the collective effort of parents, teachers, and the onslaught of technology that’s pushing kids to the brink. Thank you for an excellent post that provides a balanced viewpoint.

    • Feelings and Freedom

      Thanks for reading and your comment Anand! You are absolutely right. This word “Perfection” is somehow misunderstood. In my view, perfection is something individualistic. Everyone has different standards of perfection but how can we use this word for humans especially kids….To be a great individual is what we should strive for…life demands much more than just scores!

      • Anand

        I wish someone was there to explain that to my dad. I often cringe at the memories of my childhood. Perfection, honestly, is an illusion. Parents should be the first ones to realize it, and all they have to do is, review their own childhoods.

        • Feelings and Freedom

          Ha ha:) You are right. I also believe that perfection is highly debatable…an illusion..the right word…but I am sure there are hardly 5% of parents who realize or review it.

          • Assuming that the perfection-demanding parents are perfect themselves (because you must demand only what you can demonstrate,) 95% of humanity is perfect! Awesome.

          • I wish it was true 🙂 In fact, wouldn’t it become a mechanical society..all robots…all perfect !

          • Glad that I won’t be around to see it 😀

  • jacquelineobyikocha

    Say it aloud! Well done ma’am. As a parent this is really a bothersome phenomenon. The rate is too high and says something unsavoury for the society. I don’t buy the idea of putting all that pressure on my children. I encourage them to be and do their best in whatever they are doing and I discourage blind competition or comparison with other people’s children. It only breeds bitter sentiments. Well said.

    • Feelings and Freedom

      Thanks Jacqueline. I wish all the parents thought the same way about this uncalled for phenomenon of competition! We, as a society definitely need to grow and mature to it!

  • TheChattyIntrovert

    I’d add something to your words about perfection and the parents demanding the highest grades and whatnot from the kiddos. That’s true, but more than that, if things don’t work out as well, and the kid’s scores are less, the kids are not taught how to deal with failure (no matter how big or small). No one’s there to help them learn where they messed up or to understand that hey, maybe this isn’t their schtick, but we’ll make sure you understand it (instead of just caring about the damned grade).

    But I do see your point about parents demanding perfect scores (when they care to mention them), because honestly, if the parents expect the kid to be perfect, when are they going to have the opportunity to teach them how to deal with “failure”? It kinda feeds itself with its ridiculousness, doesn’t it?

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