Lately I have found myself getting annoyed and irked at slightest provocation. Every little thing seems to test my patience. Whether it’s kids messing up their room or my inability to sneak a few hours for blogging, my irritability is resulting in an outburst on one or the other family member. I know, I know, it’s not a good practice. But I am sure this happens with many of us from time to time.
Buddha said, “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”
I completely agree with the advice of the wise saint.
Anger causes much damage to our individuality than we anticipate or realize. So, I thought it would be a good idea to understand this unsolicited and frequent guest of ours, Mr. Anger, a little better 🙂
I plan to split this post in two parts as it is likely to be a little lengthy.
Let’s try to tackle Mr. Anger now.
What serves as an open invitation to Mr. Anger?
- Busy Bee
More often than not, our roller coaster schedule of the day leaves us with little energy to pamper ourselves. This busy life, though loved by many, fuels our frustration levels as we try to manage all the mundane activities, thereby opening the doors to Mr. Anger.
Someone wise said:
“Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life”
- Aspirations…Desires….Ambitions…
We generally have a long list of unfulfilled aspirations and desires that are forced down the list of priorities from childhood till date. These desires may be deeply buried in our heart in which case we often find them peeking out whenever they get a chance, thereby making us realize their presence and ruining the moments of happiness or making us nostalgic.
For instance, you find solace in painting your thoughts on canvas or you wanted to be a dancer, singer, actor or writer but the journey of life never allowed you to pursue these hidden passions. So now, whenever you see someone following your lost passion, it sparkles the fire in you!
(Knock Knock, it’s us, Miss Frustration and Mr. Anger!)
“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield it. Resist it and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.”- Oscar Wilde
- Expectations
One of the biggest reasons for disappointment in life is “expectations”. Every relationship, every position and every accomplishment entails a great deal of expectations. And the most common reason for agony, fear, annoyance, and misery is also “expectation”. If we stop expecting people and situations to act and react as per our desire and understanding, then they will have little bearing on us. The best things in life are generally unexpected but when things don’t turn out as expected, it sets in a series of negative emotions ranging from bitterness to hostility to resentment and antagonism.
(It’s me yet again…Mr. Anger. Just stopped by to say “Hello”!)
“When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have.” – Stephen Hawking
- Physical health
Human body is a complex system of multiple organs functioning at the same time. So, even if one small (dare not say unimportant!) organ is not functioning properly on a particular day, the entire system breaks down. Even pain in your toenail or a toothache has the capability of forcing you to take the day off!
Our mood swings are often associated with our physical well-being. We are cheerful and pleased when we are physically fit but on days when our body is not in the best of shapes, we fail to see happiness around and are unable to enjoy the little moments of joy thereby leading to anxiety, apathy and anger.
(“I see; someone has taken ill here. Good chance to sneak in. He he he,” thinks Mr. Anger.)
“ To keep the body in good health is a duty, otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear” –Buddha
- Fear of change
Human beings are generally skeptical of change despite being aware of the fact that change is the only constant in life. Complacency sets in making us reluctant to leave our comfort zone. So when the situation is beyond our control, we immediately switch into panic mode by retorting with rage and angst and even leading to depression.
(“Thanks for letting me in. Looks like I’ll stay here for sometime” rejoices Mr. Anger.)
Dale Carnegie said, “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
What we need to remind ourselves is that the only way to judge if the change is beneficial or not is to accept it.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”- Rumi
- Blame it on Hormones!
Finally, some escape out! Your hormones were making you angry! So, it’s really not your fault!
Our brain produces several hormones that control and affect our mood like Serotonin, Endorphin and Dopamine.
Serotonin levels are believed to be the reason for many cases of mild to moderate depression which can lead to symptoms like anxiety, apathy, fear, feelings of worthlessness, insomnia and fatigue.
Endorphins are usually produced as a response to pain, fear or stress. Low endorphin level causes people to be anxious and more aware of pain. High endorphin level helps to reduce pain and stress thereby calming down the person.
Now, that we have analyzed the factors forcing Mr. Anger to accompany us, our next step should be to apprehend how to wave goodbye to Mr. Anger. I hope to cover the same in the next post.
Hope you would spend some time figuring out your reasons in the meantime.
Have a great weekend and stay calm 🙂
Good post Vandana. It is really critical to self-retrospect ourselves time and again. It is that quality that will make you grow. And it is a must during our tough times.
And great observations, I agree with all of them. One more big thing I would like to add to this list is EGO.
And I could personally relate to this article. I used to get angry often and for every small thing. But I reduced it drastically and I could clearly see a difference it had made in my relationships, career, my reduced stress levels, etc. The bad thing about anger is every single time, after I get angry and reacted, I would think why did I get so angry for this and I shouldn’t have done like that.
That guilt was a lot to handle and it stressed me a lot. But when I reduced my anger, I could feel more at peace. I had other issues, but those are part and parcel of life which will be aggravated if I got angry.
Keep writing. I would be waiting for your next post on how to tackle anger.
Thanks for reading. I am glad you could relate to it. Yes, “ego” is certainly something which distorts our ability to think straight. I too experience guilt after losing my temper and in fact that’s what prompted me to write about it. Thanks for your comment.
Great post, V! Analyses anger and its core reasons very well. Although I’d go with Hormones for my short-temperedness 😛 😀
Thanks. I am glad you settled with something outside your control 🙂
Nice Article. Like how you broke down the origins of anger into 7 areas; it almost seems to rationalise Mr anger and take the wind out of his sails! Also like the practical application to daily life.
I find that perfectionism can lead to anger. Also not being happy/ content within can cause one to play the blame game and anger comes up. Truly happy and loving people are never angry.
However there is a benefit to having controlled anger in certain circumstances e.g. fighting against injustices; however the the resultant action must not come from an egotistic perspective or from the anger rather it should come from a perspective of ‘doing what is right’ and using the anger energy productively. Something I am working on doing!
I find it really funny how culturally it is sometimes seen as a strong/cool trait i.e. being the strong angry commanding person….. but this is rubbish!
I agree. Perfectionism leads to dissatisfaction thereby making the person angry. Channelising anger is a little tricky but something to work upon. Thanks for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it!